BLOGGEDEBS

It's not your blue blood, your pedigree or your college degree. It's what you do
with your life that counts.

The roots of education are bitter, but the fruit is sweet.

Great minds have purposes, others have dreams.

First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do.

Epictetus

This time a week ago I was getting more and more frustrated with the slow pace of my weight loss. As a new goal I’d set myself a target of being 110lbs before next class semester starts.
The writing was on the wall. I NEVER lose weight that rapidly, so despite daily hard workouts and a sub-1200 calorie allowance, I knew I was going to fail because I’m too pessimistic about it. I took a long look at the goals I set myself in other aspects of my life (where I’m usually reasonably successful at achieving them), and the common denominator in all my other goals was that I had some control over my ability to attain them. As examples, I set a goal for the number of hours to study each week to satisfy myself that I’m making sufficient progress.Similarly when I was studying for my degree, I set myself goals of how many hours I’d set aside for studying each week, and how much exam practice I’d do.All of those goals are (and were) challenging but achievable, so that I can be held accountable for a failure to achieve them.
With weight loss it was a different story. I realized that in the past I’d sold myself short, and set goals that I had little or no control over my ability to achieve. I could INFLUENCE my chances of success through my diet and exercise regime, but I couldn’t GUARANTEE it.I’d set myself some really crap goals. Despite my best intentions and best efforts I wasn’t able to put my hand on my heart and swear that I would be X weight by the day of my vacation. So I’d been feeling like a failure for all the wrong reasons.

Today I made a different set of goals, and these were:

#1: Exercise hard enough to DESERVE a 2 lbs a week weight loss

#2: Run a caloric deficit sufficient to DESERVE a 1 lb – 1.5 lbs a week loss

#3: Do 5560 minutes of combined cardio and high intensity resistance training between April and May 30 (the day before my 1st semester class start), equating to 40 minutes per day.

#4: Avoid highly processed foods.

#5: Avoid eating between meals Different goals, different mind set, different approach, different attitude towards the number on the scale.I figured that if I met these goals I’d be heading in generally the right direction whether the scales moved downward or not. And they were goals that I could control, and that I could justifiably be held accountable for.

I've been thinking a lot about my ex bf and going through sort of a grieving process. I have cried most of the time, I always feel sad that it didn't work out. He had his faults, many of them, but he was a sweet guy and good to me. Too bad he just wasn't around very much. Part of it is that I miss him but I think a bigger part of it is that I miss having somebody in my life. And I don't know how low it will be before I have that again. Sometimes I feel like it's going to be forever. But, maybe it only seems that way right now. I don't think I'm ready for someone new in my life yet. I get lonely at times but for the most part I don't want anyone in my life right now and for some reason that makes me sad too. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever be able to trust another guy and allow myself to feel vulnerable again. You know, I just can't even picture myself with somebody right now. Can't imagine having another man in my life. I wonder if that will ever change. Or maybe I'll just be alone for the rest of my life. I'm not even sure if that would bother me or not. I can't imagine meeting anyone who is worth the difficulties of a relationship.

As Dr. Meredith Grey said hating you is the most exhausting ! my favorite line from grey's anatomy